I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
