My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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