Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
where am i from again
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
