Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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