you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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