I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
