Pants 0. Shit 1.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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