That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
