i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
