I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
