That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
