I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
