The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
