I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
