I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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