sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
