just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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