i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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