It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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