$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
