I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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