I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
