ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
