Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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