I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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