Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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