fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
