yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you would pick up someone in the library
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
