I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
