I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
