She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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