currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
