omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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