I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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