Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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