Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
