If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
