I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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