Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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