Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
