remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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