i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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