It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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