I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
