you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize