I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
