He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
