I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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