At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
