Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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