my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
