Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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