saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize