LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
