so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
