Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
