i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
