is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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