I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
