i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
