Define "chronic" masturbator.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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