Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
