here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
