Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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