haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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