It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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