for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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