I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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