Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
