Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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